After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
