billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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