Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
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For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
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