I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
