There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
