i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
