Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize