I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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