I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
