Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
