Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
