Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
