i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
We just shotgunned beers for America
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
