Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
