What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
