Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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