I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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