What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
A bitchslap is in order.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
