Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
