The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
