: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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