$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Randomize
