I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
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i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
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Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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