she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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