how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
