You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
