You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
