Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
