You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
