i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
