Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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