It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I think your dad took our porno
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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