I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
