from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
babies were throwing up all over the place
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
