she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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