this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
