Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
