How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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