The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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