every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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