so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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