I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
