guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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