eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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