Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
