Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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