I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
