I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
