I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Randomize
