Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I can't turn off my feet"
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
