our cab driver is having phone sex.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
