His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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