The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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