I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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