The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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