Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
