Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
my poor anus
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