I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
