brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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