do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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