Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
