I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
