hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Randomize
