btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
