he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
