I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
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