she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
