I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
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