dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
