I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
