My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
