I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
