But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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