heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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