i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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