just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Randomize
