Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(440): View more from Ohio

yea ive hooked up with like half those guys

(1-440): View more from Ohio

and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.

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(954): View more from Florida

so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine

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(585): View more from New York

you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser

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(703): View more from Virginia

Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'

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(248): View more from Michigan

They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.

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(703): View more from Virginia

I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.

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(562): View more from California

Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway

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