I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
