HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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