i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
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