Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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