Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
