plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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