So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Randomize
