so that wasnt chicken after all
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
