Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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