help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
