if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
