I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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