I got chris browned last night
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Randomize
