This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Randomize
