The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
