my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
