Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
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